How to be cool

What is a friend

A man

Why planning is important?

One Night, four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning, they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day, they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

See Below for the question Paper

Q.1. Name of the car??
......... .......... ......... (2 MARKS)

Q.2. which tire burst? (98 MARKS)
a) Front Left b) Front Right
c) Back Left d) Back Right

True story from IIT Bombay ...Batch 1992

Planning is a process for accomplishing purpose. It is blue print of business growth and a road map of development. It helps in deciding objectives both in quantitative and qualitative terms. It is setting of goals on the basis of objectives and keeping in view the resources.

Two attitudes to planning need to be held in tension: on the one hand we need to be prepared for what may lie ahead, which may mean contingencies and flexible processes. On the other hand, our future is shaped by consequences of our own planning and actions.

If you are planning for your website, finding web hosting. Do plan ahead, read web hosting reviews before decide!

Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names?

Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)

Never laugh at a Chinese!

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000? The Chinese replies: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return.'

Rich and poor gap

Take a look at these photos....

Also, in case you're wondering where this hotel is, it isn't a hotel at all.

It is a house!  It's owned by the family of Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan, the former president of the United Arab Emirates and ruler of Abu-Dhabi.

The Audi A8 in SILVER was made for a sheik....

IT IS NOT SILVER in COLOR, IT IS MADE out of SILVER!!!!!

Amazing what$2.75 US a gallongas can buy,isn't it?

NOW LOOK THIS AND THINK !

My great friends let this not come to you as a surprise, but it's real, have them living around us and in our neighbourhood today, we can change it with prayers, and always lending a helping hand to those in need.

This is one more reason why we have to thank God for the food that we can have easily.

But in the other hand, ironically,we still waste the food that we buy.

I feel very grateful for what I have today.

We are so Blessed for the wonderful works of God's hand in our life today.

Just think of this.

I felt very fortunate to live in this part of the world.

I promise I will never waste my food no matter how bad it can taste and how full I may be.

I promise not to waste water.

I pray that this little boy be alleviated from his suffering.

I pray that we will be more sensitive towards the suffering in the world around us and not be blinded by our own selfish nature and interests.

I hope this picture will always serve as a reminder to us about how fortunate we are and that we must never ever take things for granted.

Think & look at this when you complain about your food and the food we waste daily.

MAY ALL HUMAN BEINGS BE FREE FROM SUFFERING!!!!

What exactly is a bitch!? Are you a bitch?

Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their lifestyles.

The first guy says "I'm a YUPPIE. You know... "Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

Second guy says "I'm a DINK. You know ..... "Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know..."Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to one woman and ask her, "What are you?" She replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know...Wash, Iron, Fxxk, Etc."

A second gal answers their question before they even ask it, "I am a "BITCH."

The men laugh and ask in unison, "What exactly is a BITCH?"

The woman calmly replies, "Babe In Total Control of Herself."

So ladies, next time somebody calls you "Bitch" -- SMILE :) and say, "Thank You!!"

Clarity in Instructions

OFFICE MEMO:

All members of staff - please note that due to recession, there will only be one drink per person at this year's Annual Party.

And please bring your own cup!

Regards,
Management

What happened at the annual party !!!

The specifications were missing in the memo (size of cup).

Moral of the story:
Be very specific in your daily life including project work.
Give specific specifications.

What should I do to marry a rich guy?

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1. Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2. Which age group should I target?
3. Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4. How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
   

Ms. Pretty

Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is you are only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

signed, J.P. Morgan

That's how the Fight started!

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started...

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.

I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

And then the fight started...

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.

He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started...

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started...

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started...

One for the road:

A man came home and found his wife standing at the door in the buff.

Man: What are you doing?

Wife: I am waiting for you in my love dress.

Man: Your love dress needs some ironing.

Then the fight starts…

Meaningful date with a second women

After get married for 21 years, I found an unique way to refresh my love life.

Not long ago, I was date with a lady, and the idea was came from my wife.

One day my wife said: I know you love her.
I was shocked: The one I love is you!
She said: I know, but you love her too.

The lady that my wife asked me to visit was my mother.

She was alone for 19 years, however, I was busy with my job and my children, so I was less likely to visit her.

The night, I called her, invited her to have a dinner and movie with me at the 2nd day.

' What happen? Are you alright?', she asked.

I answered: I was just thinking that if I have chance to date with you alone, it sure be very interesting.

After a while, she said: I do.

The Friday after I worked, I fetched her at her home, felt like a little bit nervous.

Because I had never to date with my mom before.

When I reached her house, I found that she seems a little bit nervous too.

She was in her suite, which she wore during her last wedding anniversary with my dad, waiting me in her house.

She made her hair specifically, smiling like an angel.

When she get into my car, she proudly said: all my friends were jealous at me when they know that I’m going to dating with my son.

We went to a restaurant which was not expensive but with warmth and cozy environment.

My mom hold my hand as she was the wife of president.

After seat her, I help her to order her food,

Because she only can read the big capital words.

When we were eating, I found she was stare at me,

She smile and said: I remembered that during your childhood, I always make the order for you. I answered: then now is your chance to take a rest and let me to serve u.

We keep talking during our dinner.

Share about our life and some special things happening these few years.

We talked for very long time until we missed the movie.

When I fetched her back to her house,

She asked: I'd like to date with you next time, but please let me pay the bill next time.

I agreed.

When I back to my home, my wife asked: how's your date with your mom?

' It was interesting and fun, over my expectation', I answered.

Few days later, my mom was passed away due to heart failure. The thing happened in an unexpected manner,

I wasn't prepared for it at all.

Soon after this, I received a letter, there are a receipt of the restaurant that I dated with my mom, and a message: I already paid the bill for our next date, even though I know I'd probably won't have chance to date with you anymore, I still pay the bill for 2 persons: you and your wife. You will never know how meaningful the date to me, I love you.

At the moment, I realized: we must always spare our precious time to our beloved, and told them u love them before it is too late.

There is nothing more important than your family, spend more time with them before it is too late.

Don't make any regret in our life.

When a GIRL

When a GIRL is quiet
millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing
she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions
she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds
she is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you
she is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday
she wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says ' I love you '
she means it.

When a GIRL says ' I miss you '
no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person.

Find a guy

who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

who calls you back when you hang up on him.

who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy

who kisses your forehead.

who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

who holds your hand in front of his friends.

who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!!

Meaningful and touching

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Three answers most scared by men

*not woman ONLY, most people also reply like this...*

Whatever

Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..

Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples on my face

Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?

Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood not good also, later I might got diarrhea

Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

Anything

Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything

Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie not good, waste time only

Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? Don't u feel tired?

Men: Then we find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep

Men: So, what you suggest then?
Women: Anything!!!

You decide

Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide

Men: Let's take a bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la

Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance

Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: So hungry, empty stomach how to walk?

Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide

Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...

Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything

(Look around... if no ones here, just kill her....)

No more 5C'S but new 5B'S

I don't need a CAR, but I want a BMW
I don't need a CONDO, but I want a BUNGALOW
I don't need you to have CASH but I want you to own a BANK
I don't need you to have a CAREER but I want you to be a BOSS

It's interesting for you to read!

Most of you would have heard of the Singapore 5C's! :
Car, Condo, Credit Card (Gold), Cash and Career

Heard of the 5B's?
B - BMW
B - Body
B - Brain
B - Billionaire
B - Bungalow

And, and addition with the 5K's.......................
Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of dying)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiachenghu (scared of government)

We've been reading about the 5C's! And 5K's for Singaporeans now comes the 5 Numerals and Malaysia 's equivalent....

Singapore's 'practice' for Simple Living:
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedrooms Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary

Malaysia's Malays 'practice' to Simple Living:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
......................................................................
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
......................................................................
Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?
.....................................................................
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
......................................................................
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
.....................................................................
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
.....................................................................
Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
......................................................................
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
....................................................................
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
......................................................................
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.
.....................................................................
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
......................................................................
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
......................................................................
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
.....................................................................
"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep
......................................................................
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning
.....................................................................
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk
.....................................................................
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours
......................................................................
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
.....................................................................
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
......................................................................
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say.......